The Most Important Day of My Life

I think today may have been one of the most important days of my life. I cried at church for the first time ever. I know it may sound stupid but I felt peace in my sorrow. I have been lost for so long that I didn't know which way to go. I have had doubts and questions but I just felt stupid and that when the time is right everything would be presented to me in the most perfect way, or so that's what people always said.

For my whole life I have been a catholic. I have never had a problem with the religion and I don't necessarily have one now its just that I came to the realization today that that way isn't the only way, and it may not be the right way for me. This is an idea that I never even considered before tonight.

Now probably what I'm most nervous about is talking to my family and priest about this because they have found that this way of Catholicism has worked for them, but it hasn't worked for me. I go through the motions at Sunday mass not because I don't love God but for a reason that I don't even know how to explain, but when I looked at that cross tonight and nailed my sins down I felt more free than I ever have coming out of confession. I felt like I was at peace with God, and that is something that I have never legitimately felt before.

So my current predicament is this... I need to tell my parents how I feel. Religion is a family thing in my house. We go as a family every Sunday and holiday and we worship as a family. I don't know whether to keep going to Catholic church on Sundays and my other church on Fridays or if I should do a complete switch. I suppose that's something that I'll have to pray on.

I know that what I have experienced today was a real feeling of faith, a realization that what I have heard over all of these years is real and it is real to me personally. My faith has faltered over the years but on this night it glows brighter than it ever has before and it is not because of how many rosaries I said or how many Acts of Contrition I recited, but it was my one on one relationship with Jesus that made me understand why I should strive to be a better person and steer away from sin. It was the relationship that made me want more church and more prayer. It's a feeling that people try to explain but always end up saying it's just a personal realization that hits everyone at different times.

My time is now.